Comment FAQ

For those of you who are new to blogging, I would like to give you a few guidelines on posting comments. First off, let us look at a comment that I received on my last entry entitled, Biological Log.

Anonymous said... Great Blog!I have a mortgage insurance site. It covers mortgage insurance related information.Come and check it out if you get time :-)
11:37 AM

As you might have noticed, I deleted this comment for a few reasons that will be addressed in our little discussion. Here we go.

Q. Why post a comment? Isn't just reading the blog enough?
A. Of course not! After reading my blog most people reach, as some have described it, "nirvana". You pretty much owe me a comment after you have reached this euphoric, enlightened state.

Q. What constitutes a good comment?
A. A good comment can do one of two things: Praise the blogger or praise the topic of the blog. For example; my good friend Garlic Boy has a blog entirely devoted to squirrels. An appropriate comment would say something like, "I love squirrels" or "Garlic Boy, you are the #1 stumma!". An inappropriate comment would advertise something unrelated to the topic, such as mortgage insurance. Advertising something like squirrel bait, while a little un-kosher, could be appropriate if you first obtain the permission of the owner of the blog. Note: when posting a comment on Garlic Boys' blogs, make sure your spelling is correct to avoid ridicule from the author.

Q. Do you even need mortgage insurance, Toasty?
A. Great Question! NO!

Q. Do you hate people that advertise mortgage insurance?
A. Another alarmingly good question. Not necessarily. If, per chance, I wrote a blog about mortgage insurance, an advertisement or two may be welcome in the comments section.

I hope that I have helped a lot of you, my faithful readers. My heart goes out to all the mortgage and loan representatives who call me at dinnertime, pollute my blog, and live in my house and work upstairs.

Biological Log

The subject of my blog today will be the meaning of the word "blog". Scholars argue that the translation was lost many years ago, probably during the Punic Wars. Some believe (and, yes, I believe) that the word is really a conjunction. (If you need help with this word, please buy this item. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/156949407X/103-8368682-6187828?v=glance) Biological Log, ladies and gentleman. Our blogs are living, breathing organisms that tell a story, just as any rabbit, squirrel or other biological creature would. Though the ability to mate was lost after cell phone radiation destroyed their reproductive systems, we have been successful in cloning them and domesticating them to use for our purposes, much like the horse. So, if any ladies thought that this was intelligent, or need more info, call me at... 5555-55585-5555-TOAST-HABIT. Fare thee well.

Back by Popular Demand...

My one or two fans have finally gotten to me. I apologize for the shortness of this entry; I was only thinking of you. If you, like many others, have been suffering from toasty withdrawls, a full fledged entry would only make you lapse into an epileptic coma(http://www.waiting.com/). Yes, I am that good. Welcome home, everybody. Welcome home.

The Way Things Are

Oh man! What do you do when you sneeze? Cover your mouth, right? I just did and then continued to type. Then I began to think, "How many other people at this library have done the same thing?" I don't think that the librarian comes through with an antibacterial spray to sanatize keyboards. If they clean their keyboards the same way they clean their bathrooms, I am in serious danger of getting hepatitis. Just wanted to let you know the ways things are.

Garlic boy...

Whoa whoa whoa. I was recently attacked by an ill-informed citizen of the United States. It would be wrong of me to assume that this so called "Garlic boy" is even a U.S. citizen, since it says nothing about his citizenship in his user profile. For the record, I AM a U.S. citizen. Here is the article to be discussed today.

Driving is a Right!
I was checking out the Toast Addict Chronicles this morning and I noticed that Toast-Addict had an entry in his blog defending an auto parts store. Here is the entry that we will be discussing today:

I am not sure if I like or dislike Pep-Boys yet. The fact that every time I have been to The Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car. I realize that a car is a real privilege and that 4 hours isn't that bad to wait for a car repair.While on the subject, I think Pep-Boys should change their name to Pepe-Boys. I think that they would look a lot better wearing sombreros and that one guy already has a really cool moustache. Good work Pepe-Boys.

There are 4 main problems with this short blog entry.

First, owning a car and driving it on the public roadways is a right. Everybody knows that. Driving a car is a practice so deeply rooted in the traditions and history of the people of the United States that to deny it would be to deny the people of this country justice and liberty. To deny a United States citizen of the right to drive his car would shock the conscience of all English speaking people.

Second, the Pep-Boys don't actually exist. They never did. They are a marketing device that the evil auto parts store uses to manipulate you people.

Third, how can you wait 4 hours for them to do something to your car? They aren't mechanics. You buys stuff from them and then you take that stuff and you do stuff with that stuff to your car.

Fourth, this sentence doesn't make any sense: "The fact that every time I have been to The Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car." It should say, "The fact that every time I have been to the Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car has caused me to seriously injure over 349 Pep-Boys employees." Or maybe, "The fact that every time I have been to Pep-Boys, I have had to wait for 4 hours to get the part I need makes me so mad that I quit eating toast altogether."

Anywho, before you defend them, remember, Toast Addict, that auto-parts stores have been sued over 500 times in the United States alone for fraud, murder, satanic worship, and racial discrimination. Mostly fraud though. Peace.

I can't even believe that I have dedicated so much time to such rubbish. Let me first say that I admire Garlic boy with all of my left foot and wish the best for him and his loved deprived law school students wife. I can just imagine him. Lonely in law school. The only thing sadder than his short stature is his sad face and long greasy hair. His pudgy fingers miss the keys on his keyboard sometimes and so he has to satisfy his frustration by taking it out on others poor grammer. I can see him now, entering his minivan; his resentful tooshie on 3 phonebooks so that he can see over the steering wheel. Poor Garlic boy. I feel for you.

Allow me to explain, my dear friend, that for me, driving is a priveledge. Here in Not-so-pefect-ville we have an evil Car Czar that reigns with an iron fist! As we are not so priveldged to have our own cars, the Car Czar uses the bit of pity he has left in his heart to lend us his boss' cars. I can only hope that some day you will find me, Garlic boy, and take me away to your perfect law school world. Until then, please do not assume that I support the Pepe-Boys. I only want to keep the car that I have. With all of my left foot....

Pep-Boys

I am not sure if I like or dislike Pep-Boys yet. The fact that every time I have been to The Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car. I realize that a car is a real privilege and that 4 hours isn't that bad to wait for a car repair.
While on the subject, I think Pep-Boys should change their name to Pepe-Boys. I think that they would look a lot better wearing sombreros and that one guy already has a really cool moustache. Good work Pepe-Boys.

Why the Gridiron hurts

Cause it's made out of iron! I played football today to celebrate USC's win over the Sooners. Man does it hurt! It was a lot of fun though.
Other than that it has been pretty uneventful. I ate a huge bowl of Cap'n Crunch today. I know what you are thinking. "What happened to the toast?" Don't worry. I ate the Cap'n for lunch! Happy new year everybody.